Lesson plan; How to Apologize Like You Mean It

Here are six steps for making amends, according to experts.

• Express Regret: Start with a clear “I apologize” or “I’m sorry,” taking responsibility for your actions.
• Brief Explanation: Be specific about what you did wrong without making excuses or using conditional words like “but” or “if.”
• Acknowledge Harm: Admit the wrongdoing and its impact on the other person, focusing on their feelings and needs.
• Promise Change: Reassure that you will try not to repeat the offense, which helps rebuild trust and confidence.
• Offer Repair: Suggest ways to make amends and ask for suggestions, showing a commitment to correct the wrongdoing.
• Request Forgiveness: Ask gently for forgiveness, allowing the other person time and space to forgive without pressure. Source: By Jancee Dunn The New York Times

Lesson plan

Part 1: Self-Reflection (Individual)

1. Honesty Check: Using a scale of 1 (Never) to 5 (Always), rate how comfortable you are apologizing in different situations (e.g., to a friend, to a teacher, to a stranger). Explain your reasoning for each rating.
2. Anatomy of an Apology: Choose an apology you’ve given or received (positive or negative). Analyze it based on the six steps outlined in the article:
   • Express Regret
   • Brief Explanation
   • Acknowledge Harm
   • Promise Change
   • Offer Repair
   • Request Forgiveness
   • Identify strengths and weaknesses of the apology (considering the six steps).

Part 2: Group Discussion and Activities

1. Debate Club: Divide the class into two groups. One side argues that a sincere apology is essential for healthy relationships. The other side argues that forgiveness is more important than an apology.
2. Scenario Role-Play: Write different scenarios where an apology is needed (e.g., accidentally damaging a friend’s belongings, forgetting a birthday). Have students role-play the scenarios, practicing good and bad apologies based on the six steps.
3. Public Service Announcement (PSA) Creation: In groups, students create a short PSA (video or poster) promoting the importance of sincere apologies in maintaining healthy relationships.

Part 3: Reflection Revisited (Individual)

1. Shifting Perspectives: Reread Ms. Dunn’s quote about the benefits of apologies. Do your perspectives on apologies (from Part 1) align with this quote? Explain your answer.
2. Action Plan: Based on what you learned about effective apologies, create a personal “Action Plan for Apologies.” This plan can include personal goals and strategies for offering more sincere and successful apologies in the future.

Part 4: Expanding the Conversation 

• The New York Times Learning Network: After reading the full article on The New York Times Learning Network , answer the following discussion questions on their website:

  • How good are you at apologizing? Do you feel comfortable saying sorry? Or do you usually give self-serving, defensive and excuse-filled apologies? Have you ever given one when you didn’t really “mean it”?
  • What makes a “successful” apology? What’s the best one you have ever given or received? How did it help to repair or remedy the situation?
  • What makes an “unsatisfying” apology? What’s the worst one you have ever given or received? Why was it so bad?
  • What do you think of the six tips for a successful apology offered in the essay? Which, if any, would you like to incorporate into your own future acts of contrition? What are your dos and don’ts for saying sorry?
  • Ms. Dunn writes that apologies can benefit the giver as well as the receiver by “reducing guilt, fostering self-compassion and strengthening relationships.” Do you agree? What value do you see in genuine apologies?
  • After reading the article, do you think you are more likely to give a sincere and meaningful apology in the future?